It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Watching your adulthood from afar. In my world of dreams when you were young, we had family dinners at least once a week, gathered for holidays, planned trips together, laughed and enjoyed each other’s company. The wrap your arms around me warmth of love and fun exuded at our gatherings. Games were played. Silliness and giggles sounded as we shared our many stories. Sarcasm and wit abounded.
In place of my dreams I have a kitchen table that collects bills and dust. It’s the place in which I drink my morning coffee, journal and during the week dog hair gathers underneath.
No matter where you are, no matter what you are doing. I keep hoping that your car will arrive in the driveway and there you will be. For you see, a mom never ever stops hoping, praying, longing for the company of her children and grand children. OH! the memories I cherish and carry with me everyday. I hear songs on the radio and random parts of your childhood you may have long forgotten pop to the forefront, I close my eyes and relive those moments. Literally, feel the love of our small close knit family at those times. I long for that feeling, often so much it literally hurts.
I know I have to be realistic, that you are out living and being successful. I am proud and so happy for all that you have become. I’m blessed that I get almost daily phone calls from one of my children, though the other remains silent and private. Don’t get me wrong, YOU ARE AWESOME! You have overcome and blossomed. I was your base and you have flown to new heights. GO YOU!! I am your biggest fan, nothing can or will ever change that. Because that is what this mom is, a human being full of true uninhibited love and caring.
But I had a dream that I carry with me, deep in the valley of my soul. On the quiet nights, I remember.