July 1st, WOWSER!!
In my head, excerpts from a CHICAGO song swirls
"Saturday, in the park, I think it was the 4th of July.... People dancing, people laughing A man selling ice cream Singing Italian songs Everybody is another Can you dig it (yes, I can) And I've been waiting such a long time For Saturday..."
So much has transpired since LGB’s diagnosis
of late stage 2 esophagus cancer on March 24, 2017.
His numbers are excellent,
they have discontinued chemo.
He has lost his voice and it may or may not come back.
He adapted and his Smartphone does the talking.
Have you ever thought what it might be like to pull up to your
favorite Dunkin Donuts drive-thru and NOT been able to give
Well his phone states his daily order for a Turbo shot iced coffee:
He has one more day of neck radiation.
Two weeks after that a Pet Scan.
If that is good, he is FREE.
Free to roam his beloved woods,
he and his camera can once
again become one.
Me, I have been attempting to survive while riding an emotional roller-
It is difficult to watch your best friend in pain.
His neck is severely burned and I have done my best to be there for him.
When he let’s me.
I gave him my all.
I made a promise to myself to hold his hand while he made the Bacon journey.
Aptly named due to the crispiness of what radiation treatment does to you.
Besides it adds a touch of humor. “Does anyone smell bacon?”
Oh it’s just LGB…
Okay, so we are a sick group of individuals, but who cares,
it kept us all chuckling!
LGB and I have been on a tumultuous journey much longer than
the Bacon journey.
The realization that I have been just a passenger along for the ride in his life,
not just for this particular journey, but for the last two years has hit hard.
TRUTH- He has proved, though he states he loves me,
that I am only allowed to be a small part of that life.
He made so many promises, they were good intentions.
They wound up being broken promises.
I knew deep in my heart, he was in love with the concept of me.
He liked knowing I was there.
And at one time, I loved him with all my heart.
For me, this is the last leg of his and my life trip together.
Sad, yet such a relief to jump off that emotional roller coaster.
I need to implement Self-care.
There have been warning signs; panic attacks, night mares,
constant fatigue, etc…
I have been ignoring myself and that is NOT okay.
A difficult decision.
My mental and physical health
I am so fortunate to carry forward fabulous memories.
As I travel down my life path…
Who know’s what new adventure
may be just around the corner.
Kind Regards and thinking of my best friend -K