Boundaries and no answers. 12.16.18

Dealing with changes is challenging no matter what your age.

At 56 after waiting 8 very long years for my son, a vet and I, to find a middle ground, I decided to make that move from NH to NC.

Sadly/gladly, thanks to my daughter, the day we packed the truck for the move, I saw my son for the first time in two years.

He stated, you’ve never came to visit me. Interesting statement considering I had been told his home was off limits.

Trying for a mom hug, the response? “You start any shit and I’ll get in my truck and leave.”

Painful? Hell yes!

Am I still sad? Definitely!

Can I continue to keep my life on hold? No!

He’s angry about life.

I’ve researched, tried at least 20 plus ways to approach him.

It doesn’t work!

I’ve been in NC, barely a week and now I’m getting angry texts. Some random subjects that make zero sense, others make sense but, why now?

He just threatened me with not being in my life if I don’t give a particular item of mine, that I had planned on giving him.

Uhm, hello?

He would have had it the day I moved. Unfortunately in texting with him a few days earlier he informed me he wasn’t going to be there, so I packed it.

Three guesses which box? Honestly, I don’t know.

My dad was a correctional officer in the 1940-50’s. I have his badge. My son followed a similar route, not the same state. Yes, it would be awesome for him to have it.

But he’s accusing me of hiding it from him. Sigh.

So after numerous ugly texts that started last night. Then continued into today.

I blocked him.

Then got physically ill.

😢

He text me a different way.

“You blocked me?”

I didn’t answer.

I’m out of answers.

My son always says-

A MOTHER NEVER GIVES UP!

He’s Right!

I JUST PUT MYSELF IN TIMEOUT!

❤️

“It’s okay to be scared, but you have to get out there, open up, love, make mistakes, learn, be stronger, and start all over again. -Unknown

Kind Regards and

Moving forward- K

😎

Photography compliments of K of TheBlackWallBlog 12.18

38 thoughts on “Boundaries and no answers. 12.16.18

  1. There are different degrees of not giving up. It seems to me that projecting the message, “When you stop pushing me away and giving me false flags, wrong signals and no recognition of the outreach I do give, you’ll find me right where I’ve always been — standing in the center of my own live, light and happiness and ready to share it with you. In the meantime, you might do some inner work around your rampant tendency to say “come closer” and “I hate you” at the same time.” Jus’ sayin’.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yes you’re absolutely right. Normally, when he starts being angry, I try in a nonthreatening way to state that the way he is behaving is unacceptable and that I love him and perhaps we can talk later. This new set of texts has escalated to the point, that no matter how I deflect or explain which I have five times now, they don’t cease.

      He is jabbing and jabbing and jabbing into all aspects of life in the escalation has gotten to the point that I find it extremely unacceptable. I only blocked him on FB. Not on regular text. To which now I’ve been told I’m blocked on Facebook and phone, so that I need never contact him again.

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    2. Me, I would go with that advice until there is both a clearly stated reversal of preference (NOT an accusation for having accommodated the one he has presently put in place) and a heartfelt apology.

      Forgive me, sister, but it seems to me this guy has been entertaining himself by running you in ragged circles.

      Have you read the section of Khalil Gibran’s “The Prophet” on children? You might find in it some comfort and permission to give yourself a break, gurl! 😚

      Liked by 1 person

    3. And good for you for doing so. (And, you’re right about the instruction manual!) Myself, I’ve paid the price to put enough distance between my daughter and I that once in a great while now I actually get a brief but friendly text.

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    4. Back in the day when his only response to me was a mother never gives up. My consistent response was I’ve never given up I’m still standing right here looking out the picture window waiting for you to drive in the driveway. And I have remained consistent with that statement for eight years as of this month.

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  2. Stay encouraged my WordPress friend, and Thank You for sharing, as I can feel your pain through this read. As a person who faces many challenges with her parents, siblings, and basically my entire immediate family, its so hard to say whose wrong or whose right especially when the communication is mainly void or confrontational. Not to mention I dont to well with co-workers and bosses either, what can I say maybe I am only good on paper and in mind. (😊😊🤷🏽‍♀️) – I hope that made you smile a little.

    I say all that to say this as a person who lives with many confrontations, who often wonders “what did I do wrong” and “what can I do right”, I agree with the timeout. As engaging with people who often only want to make you bow down to their needs and/or their levels, I lost me. I am here in NC and if you need an ear, an extended family, or a writing partner I am here.

    Because here’s another thing I discovered about me through all these confrontations, I am a genuinely happy and helpful person, I aim for the best for myself and everyone around me, far too often making the mistake of putting others before me and this is a part of many of the confrontations, because when you are walked on for so long it hurts when you stand.

    And I know the people who Love me Love me, and those who don’t or can’t, I know how to send them Love, Peace, Soul, and Blessings. But I completely feel and understand your pain when the turmoil is caused by the ones you are supposed to be the closest with and too.

    Happy 9 days til Christmas, you know I secretly blamed you for bring that snow with you from NH, but since you said you were stuck in Fredericksburg, I had to cut you a little slack. 😊😊 I pray you are settled in and again may NC bring you all the joy I mentioned when you said you were moving here, its a magical place to gain perspective when you rise above everything and focus on your passion and goals.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, yes one other thought that hit- Do not use so much energy convincing someone to like you that you consume your energy of winning the ones who will Love You. I found myself backing away from much over the years because of the “failed relationships” , yet as I continued to share here and there this is what opened up the Love within and out. You have a gift to give to the world, don’t hold back ❤️

      Liked by 3 people

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