“Faith is almost the bottom line of creativity; it requires a leap of faith any time we undertake a creative endeavor, whether this is going to the easel, or the page, or onto the stage – or for that matter, in a homelier way, picking out the right fabric for the kitchen curtains, which is also a creative act.” – Julia Cameron
I apologize, that I cannot recall who put out this challenge.
If it is you, please leave me a comment and receive credit!
It flashed across my phone within the last week and obviously stuck.
I’ll paraphrase, since I don’t recall the exact wording –
The challenge? Re-post your first post ever written.
As I read it now, there is total recall of how low I felt at that moment.
There must have been a tiny spark of “perhaps if”, hidden deep
in my subconscious because reviewing the 14 months hence-
Why am I here? Why have I started this blog? (Not very original I am sure) But-
Here I am in a place, a good job on the line, AGAIN… thought I had it all together, AGAIN…. and IT appeared- that which I call THE BLACK WALL…How do I know it is back? The warning signs – feelings of helplessness, panic, self doubt, night sweats, anxiety, sadness, depression, lack of concentration, struggling to keep my head up, lack of interest of anything; food, friends, I have zero hopes or dreams. Just the seemingly simple act of getting up in the morning drains the very life out of me. I am back peddling like an insect caught off guard in the tub.. the drain has been let out and I sure don’t want to go down that hole to the unknown blackness. I have been there…. It took me a long time and one hell of a lot of courage, sheer will, damn hard work and sacrifice to climb out and I DO NOT ever want to go there again. NOT EVER!!
Why do i call it THE BLACK WALL? I believe the best way to explain it is this. There are times I hit my head against it as I am trying to break through and keep on going and then other times, without warning it takes another form, the swirling black hole of nothingness. Oh it whispers as though it would be such a relief to no longer have to struggle against it. The warmth of being wrapped in that warm comforting cocoon of nothingness, no pain, no sorrow, no fear… but having been there, I know better.
I have years of tools, for fighting those ghosts, why all of a sudden, now, has it decided to return? If i knew the answer to that one I wouldn’t be counting pennies, I would be counting colorful tasty umbrella drinks while vacationing on some island off the coast of who know’s where, with my soul mate, enjoying life. Laughing, dancing, swimming, living it up. Not sitting here in my pajamas after another sleepless night at 2 pm in the afternoon. For when I am at my best – ME- I am one of those dreaded “cheery” morning people. Grab a cup of coffee, face the day, singing- (Oh! stop! growling!). Most people that (think they, know me, have not one clue that I experience this. They would tell you I am one of the most fun, easy going, kindest, glass is half full individuals, with great strength of character. One of those people that is independent, always helping others, love to make people laugh with savvy sarcasm, quick wit, paying it forward and blah blah blah…
So I guess the answer to why I am here is to help myself find the inner strength to start to work those tools AGAIN…. find my path to them with a little help from my friends, as the song goes. Why the blog? Maybe just maybe, together if you are struggling too, we can work on it together. Compare notes. Work it. Support each other. Anonymously or not. That is entirely up to you.
So this is my first day… the writing probably doesn’t flow.. but if I get one person to want to attempt the journey with me. Find our sense of balance, take that first R.T.S (reasonable tiny step) forward, than it is going to be the beginning of something great! Wow, I think that was a flash of exuberance that just popped out. I call that HOPE. I know in my heart if I am willing to allow my path to be lead by the universe and I remember to believe in me, stop trying to control everything… it can work. It’s just so damn hard taking that first step…
You know in the BIGGEST battle in my life I had with the The Black Wall – I lost my son to that “SOB”. I was such a proud “Blue Star Mom” but I had gone so low I couldn’t even be there the day he came home after a year away serving his country. I don’t think he has ever forgiven me… I know I have tried to forgive myself… but that story is for another day…
This is the most common Angel feather, and is thought to be a sign of faith and protection. A white feather can also be your Angel telling you that any loved ones in heaven are safe and well. Read more about finding white feathers here.
A pink feather is a sign of love from your Angels. They are letting you know that their love is unconditional.
Purple is a colour that represents spirituality. Perhaps your Angels are prompting you to activate higher thought and connectivity.
A red feather represents courage, strength, stability and good fortune. If you’ve been going through a difficult time of late, your Angels are sending comfort to let you know how strong you are.
Should you find a yellow feather, your Angels may be nudging you to smile, have fun and enjoy life!
Green feathers represent prosperity and growth. If you find a green feather, you’re in luck!
Blue represents communication, so a blue feather may well be your Angels telling you to listen! Blue is also a sign of peace and protection.
Grey feathers can symbolize peace, as well as neutrality. If you see a grey feather in your path, your Angels may be trying to tell you that the answer to a certain situation may not be as straightforward as a yes or no. Read more about grey feathers here.
Brown feathers symbolize home and grounding. Perhaps your home life will see positivity soon!
Both are amazing and inspirational blogs, if you have not visited these blogs to date, pop over and introduce yourself to Lotte at run rabbit run and don’t forget to stop by the utopia universe for some optimism.
Both have the courage, many would envy.
Thank you for considering me for this award, that previously was the Blogger Recognition Award. I feel grateful that it carries your personal seal of approval.
My Advice to New Bloggers:
Write and share about anything and everything that inspires you.
Get to know the blogging community, make new connections and you may find you will find some very warm hearted new friends. Join challenges, Meet and Greets. But most of all, put your heart into whatever you post. Remain honest and true.
Thank the blog who nominated you, share the link and award on your blog.
Write a brief story on how you started blogging and
The MakeItUltra™ Blogger Award is an award given to bloggers by bloggers for quality content, originality and presentation. The intention of this award is to encourage connectivity and support in the blogging community and to increase exposure for individual bloggers.
If you have been nominated for the MakeItUltra™ Blogger Award and choose to accept, write a blog post about the MakeItUltra™ Blogger Award in which you:
1. Thank the person who nominated you and post a link to their blog on your blog. Take a moment to positively promote the person who nominated you.
2. Display the award on your blog by adding it to your post and/or displaying it using a widget on your page (Save the image to your computer and upload it to your blog post).. Don’t forget to use the tag #MyUltraAward when you make your post!
Today is the anniversary of the loss of two young lives while
“in action” approximately 2 hours from Kabul.
Our boys, from our town were there and no one was to know.
It all has been kept secret.
Today a post was put up to commemorate
the loss of two of their comrades.
I can do the math, the distance calculations and
put the story together pretty quickly.
I know my son was there.
No one will talk about it.
There is an unspoken code of silence
between those who were there.
And that is okay.
But, today, finally, we can have a moment of silence and
pray for the families of those young lives..
“Six years ago, we lost two outstanding members of the Mountain Batallion and two beautiful human beings that left an impact on every life they came across. Remembering Tristan Southworth and Steve Deluzio today. Never forgotten.”
It’s 4 am… I am getting ready to leave.. all packed…
Yes, I crave chocolate, hot fudge Sundaes, and a good boiled lobster with steamers (preferably while sitting at Barnacle Bills in Maine)…. I also crave time in the woods with my best friend, trails, wildlife, small brooks, streams and looking for natural treasures… My grandmother was the youngest of 9 and grew up on a giant farm in Brandon, Vt… So I guess it is in my blood…. So back to nature I go…
Here is one of my all time favorite’s from childhood! Also, the first poem I ever remembered, no need to memorize, it just took hold of my heart and I have carried it with me for over 50 years! Now there is a scary thought!! 😉
“Who has seen the wind? Neither I nor you. But when the leaves hang trembling, The wind is passing through. Who has seen the wind? Neither you nor I. But when the trees bow down their heads, The wind is passing by.”
~Christina Georgina Rossetti
Nature’s Picture Frame- copyrighted and compliments of K 8/2016
Nature’s Picture Frame #2 copyrights and compliments of K 8/2016
Do you have any Nature’s picture Frames that you would like to share??
Please link to this post.. share on your page then place the comment section. When I get back Sunday I will share them…
Have a wonderful weekend… hoping to get even more pics and who knows… maybe a bit of gold or treasures with a borrowed metal detector….
Nature, history, streams and dreams all rolled into one..