Boundaries and no answers. 12.16.18

Dealing with changes is challenging no matter what your age.

At 56 after waiting 8 very long years for my son, a vet and I, to find a middle ground, I decided to make that move from NH to NC.

Sadly/gladly, thanks to my daughter, the day we packed the truck for the move, I saw my son for the first time in two years.

He stated, you’ve never came to visit me. Interesting statement considering I had been told his home was off limits.

Trying for a mom hug, the response? “You start any shit and I’ll get in my truck and leave.”

Painful? Hell yes!

Am I still sad? Definitely!

Can I continue to keep my life on hold? No!

He’s angry about life.

I’ve researched, tried at least 20 plus ways to approach him.

It doesn’t work!

I’ve been in NC, barely a week and now I’m getting angry texts. Some random subjects that make zero sense, others make sense but, why now?

He just threatened me with not being in my life if I don’t give a particular item of mine, that I had planned on giving him.

Uhm, hello?

He would have had it the day I moved. Unfortunately in texting with him a few days earlier he informed me he wasn’t going to be there, so I packed it.

Three guesses which box? Honestly, I don’t know.

My dad was a correctional officer in the 1940-50’s. I have his badge. My son followed a similar route, not the same state. Yes, it would be awesome for him to have it.

But he’s accusing me of hiding it from him. Sigh.

So after numerous ugly texts that started last night. Then continued into today.

I blocked him.

Then got physically ill.

๐Ÿ˜ข

He text me a different way.

“You blocked me?”

I didn’t answer.

I’m out of answers.

My son always says-

A MOTHER NEVER GIVES UP!

He’s Right!

I JUST PUT MYSELF IN TIMEOUT!

โค๏ธ

“Itโ€™s okay to be scared, but you have to get out there, open up, love, make mistakes, learn, be stronger, and start all over again. -Unknown

Kind Regards and

Moving forward- K

๐Ÿ˜Ž

Photography compliments of K of TheBlackWallBlog 12.18

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Shameful Behavior

I am witness

Of what you have done

To her.

Inflicting her heart

With the agonizing pain

Of ten-thousand deaths

With your manipulative

Ways.

Making her life decisions

Without consultation,

Imprisoning her in a world

Of self doubt.

Tempting her with

glimpses and promises

of your love and warmth.

Then yanking them away

Knocking her off her feet.

Time and again.

Never allowing

The dust of comfort

And peace to settle.

You are an idiot

Undeserving of her

Unselfish gifts of

Heart, warmth, caring

And love.

It’s simple.

Passive aggressive

Behavior is your specialty.

A person’s life decisions

Belong to them.

Freedom of choice

Through communication

And collaboration with

Knowledge of all the facts.

The only existing copyright

Of creating circumstances

For blind lifestyle choices

Belong to God and the

universe.

To think all her pain

Was avoidable,

If only you were who

You portrayed yourself

To be.

Unfortunately, the scars

Of your making

Will remain forevermore.

My only hope is

That I have saved her

In time.

As for you,

I know she wishes you

The best

And will always be dumb

Enough to hold a tiny spark

Of hope.

For she is a beautiful

believer in the power

Of good in everyone.

โค๏ธ

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”-

-Oprah Winfrey

The one who is meant for you encourages you to be your best, but still loves and accepts you at your worst.” – Unknown

Kind Regards as I help a friend – K

โค๏ธ๐ŸŒŽโค๏ธ

Can You Hear Me? 9.20.18

Last week was

National Suicide Prevention Week.

So many people

On numerous social sites,

Posted their support,

The hot lines.

Did you absorb

What it’s truly about?

Did you actually read

And understand the signs?

***

Can you hear me

Begging for help

By my silence?

Did you notice

I’m keeping to myself

These days?

Have you seen a dullness

That replaced a sparkle

In my eyes?

Have you wondered

About my flash anger

When there’s nothing

For me to be mad about?

Can you tell

By my hollowed cheeks

And clothing grown too big,

That I’ve lost my appetite?

Can you hear the silence,

Since I stopped answering

my phone?

Have you noticed

Dirty coffee mugs

In my sink,

Piled higher each day?

Do you see

The unopened bills

Stacked higher, on

The kitchen table?

You say I’m so strong.

Can work thru anything.

Yes, once I was!

I’ve searched

For my strength,

It’s disappeared.

Can you hear me?

The dogs can.

No worries,

They’ll alert the neighbors

Once I’m gone.

Will you look back,

And hear me then?

โ˜€๏ธ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพโ˜€๏ธ

Make sure you know

What to look for,

take notice of your

Friends and family.

If their is an

Unexplained behavioral

Change.

Don’t just chalk it up,

To your knowledge

There has been

” a little” extra stress

In their life.

In a calm manner,

Ask questions.

Remember, just because

They’ve weathered tough

times before, doesn’t mean

this time it’s the same.

Everything maybe okay!

They may just be stumbling

Right now.

But if you don’t ask

The questions

How will you know

For sure?

Kind Regards and hugs – K

โค๏ธ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพโ˜€๏ธ

Momโ€™s America Has Forgotten

Happy Thursday!

Yes, today is K’s Blog recommendation day, I’m working on them. Stay tuned!

BUT FIRST!

In the last year, something I FEARED was true.

Has PROVED to be true!

THE FORGOTTEN MOMS.

That’s right.

WHO are they?

The majority seem to be woman in their 50s.

Educated, smart, witty and funny.

They have raised their children and are now experiencing empty nest syndrome.

In their 20s, 30s and 40s, they kicked ass and beat down the doors so that their daughters could have the same pay as their male co-workers.

Whether it be due to illness, businesses closing or?

They are struggling.

Suddenly, due to their age, they aren’t quick to be employable anymore. (Yup that’s illegal) but still true!

Because, they don’t have children at home nor have a drinking or drug problem…

They are not eligible for most state or federal programs

They can get, possibly, assistance (approximately 10%), in fuel and electric.

I know there ARE some financial programs to help with medical. ONE plus !

Their homes are ALMOST paid for, and they may drive a nice car.

OOPS! sorry, that’s too much value for any type of assistance!

They can get some groceries at the local food bank. TWO in the plus column!

They are too YOUNG, to touch their retirements without a large decrease in the monthly payment plus will experience a 10- 20% tax hit for withdrawing before retirement age.

They have most likely taken care of and buried both parents.

Grandparents are gone.

Their children don’t want them in their home because they still have the “family” pets! Or they just don’t care! (Sad, but true!)

These loving mom’s have helped their children, when they could.

And suddenly,

THEY ARE ALONE!

What’s the answer?

1) Take a 15 dollar an hour cut in pay to work and still not be able to cover their bills?

2) Become alcoholics and drug addicts so they are more likely to be eligible for state federal help?

That’s if they don’t end up living on the street first!

These smart savvy women are selling everything they can.

Researching the internet for passive incomes and praying!

Some are opening their homes and renting rooms.

Hoping they don’t get screwed over by a tenant that doesn’t pay or destroys half their house!

( That last one comes from personal experience! I’m still attempting to fix the damage on a zero budget so I can rent again!)

THEY/WE are fighters!

THEY/WE have HEART!

So America, I ask YOU!

What ARE YOU GOING to do about it?

The CLOCK IS TICKING!

Kind Regards

And kicking & screaming -K

๐Ÿค”

Pic and quote compliments of Text2Pic app.

Depression 9.3.18

Dark clouds of bleakness

Beckoned.

It’s evil gnarled fingers

Grabbed for my

Exposed ankle.

I fought to climb upwards.

Upwards towards

A glorious deep blue sky.

I screamed, “HELP ME!”

No one was near.

My cry for help

Was consumed

By a hole of nothingness.

Dark clouds of bleakness

LUNGED.

It grasped my foot.

I felt myself starting to

descend.

Above, sunshine appeared,

It’s golden rays

encompassed

My outstretched hand.

Slowly, the sunshine

Inched me upwards.

The dark clouds of

bleakness lost it’s hold.

Swiftly, plummeted

And out of sight.

I awoke, to find the

early morning sun

shining through my

bedroom window.

โค๏ธ๐ŸŒŽโค๏ธ

Kind Regards and #winning – K

How We Treat Others

In your journey of life

What is your aspiration?

To assemble or

Dismantle?

Build up or

Knock down?

A selfish person

Will attempt to

Demoralize with

Sharp tongued negativity.

A giving individual

Shows respect

Speaking

With sweet motivation,

Encouragement and

positivity.

So I ask,

What is your aspiration?

click on above for a little something special just for you.

๐Ÿ’•

Kind Regards and hugs – K

Featured Blogs Discovered 7.5.18

Here comes the sun!
Zen to Zany!

โค๏ธ๐ŸŒŽโค๏ธ

Click and view these awesome discoveries!

โ˜€๏ธ Krish motivational Blog

โ˜€๏ธ Didis Art Design

โ˜€๏ธ CHIRASREEWRITES

โ˜€๏ธ Dreamy damsel Blog

โ˜€๏ธ Benaqiba

โ˜€๏ธ Ididnthavemyglasseson KS Beth

โ˜€๏ธ S.E.A. Sara Ackerman author

โ˜€๏ธ Message in Stanza

โ˜€๏ธ Lavender Life and Everything Nice

โ˜€๏ธ Pretty Plus andProud

An awesome week filled with, Learning, smiling, interaction and making new friends! It’s was tough to choose only a few!

Enjoy!

Let me know what you think! โค๏ธ๐ŸŒŽโค๏ธ

Kind Regards and relishing the moment – K

๐Ÿฆ‰๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ

Here comes the sun photography compliments of K’s backyard, 7.2018 ๐Ÿคฃ

6 word story challenge 7.3.18

Today’s 6 word story challenge topic – Holstein

“Holsteins grazing quietly in the field.”

“Life simplified in black and white.”

Give it a try!

Feel free to share your link or comment on my page!

I’m still practicing!

๐Ÿ˜‰

Kind Regards

and looking

forward to

your creativity – K

Photography compliments of BGage photography 7.2018

Sometimes I Act Like an Idiot

Found this quote today-

“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.” – Unknown

โ˜บ๏ธ

A childhood core belief-

From an experience,

Buried deep,

Appears-

When I am hurt.

It triggers-

An old whisper,

“For survival,

You MUST fight back!”

๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ

As a so called adult

In my heart

I know, the truth,

Happiness comes from

Within.

Lashing out,

Accomplishes nothing!

It merely adds

Guilty feelings

To my pain,

Thus, I feel worse!

๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ

Happiness comes from

Within.

My joy grows

When I inspire,

Boost, cheer,

Lend a helping hand

Or listening ear.

๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ

My happiness

Is within my own

Soul.

A soul brimming

With golden sunshine,

Kindness and caring.

๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ

Why do I digress?

Panic?

Tailspin?

Into a realm of ugly

Retorts?

Because I have

Some work to do.

Face the inner negativity,

Define, recognize and

Acknowledge it.

Then I can be free!

Hard work!

I’ll start right now!

Why?

Past ghosts

Have no place

In the person

I’ve become!

Today,

I start the journey

Towards another

lifetime Win!

๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ

Just remember

You CAN

Break the cycle,

True happiness

Comes NOT from others,

Happiness comes from

Within.

โ˜€๏ธโค๏ธโ˜€๏ธ

Kind Regards and

believing in me,

believing in you – K

Jaffrey NH Road Trip 6.2018

Peaceful country living

4 Wheelin thru the woods & around the farm
Peering over the edge

4 Wheelin trail bridge
Eye of a needle

Jaffrey, NH, Southern slope of Mt. Monadnock!

Stone walls everywhere

Place I called home for the Weekend

Canoe caught through the trees

Listening to the peepers, ๐Ÿข lay eggs here

Pharaohs Horses
Saddle bags
MeadowBrook Jaffrey NH

TheBlackWallBlog Daisy discovery! ๐Ÿ’•

โค๏ธ

Kind Regards and feeling refreshed – K

๐Ÿด

Photography copyrighted & compliments of K of TheBlackWallBlog 6.2018

empath fatigue

empath fatigue

https://fierykaleidoscope.wordpress.com/2018/06/06/empath-fatigue/
โ€” Read on fierykaleidoscope.wordpress.com/2018/06/06/empath-fatigue/

A wonderfully fantastic overview and explanation of how an empath feels the world around them!

It was a MUST REBLOG!

Superb for those of us that live the life of one AND for the people who have an Empath in their life! โค๏ธ

Abbyโ€™s Home!

So scary,

To have one of my

Beloved fur children

In a life threatening

Situation.

At first it seemed,

Possible dehydration,

From a very humid day.

Not being spoiled,

I leave the Air conditioner

On for them on hot days.

Friday, I didn’t.

Little dog, aka Abby

Was not herself.

Usually 16 lbs of

Bursting energy!

She gives 89 lb Chief,

A run for his money.

Yet, she adores him.

They have been the big n small duo for 10 years!

Not, this last weekend,

She became lethargic.

I fed her Apple ๐ŸŽ sauce.

Put a bowl of water by her.

Sunday morning, when we,

Awoke, her hind legs had stopped working!

WHAT?

HELP!

Was it the new flea and

Tick solution?

I called the vet at 6am.

Two excruciating hours

Later, I met her and a tech

At the animal hospital.

May we X-ray?

YES!!

She had an infected uterus and 3 vertebrae that seemed to be too close together.

Emergency surgery was needed.

Over 1k!

I looked as those beautiful eyes, so full of life, love and trust.

I heard the words 50/50 chance of survival!

YES! DO IT!

Just over 2 hours later I got the call.

She made it through!

Unfortunately, her hind quarters still did not work.

The good news, there was still time.

Not to worry yet!

It was 11 am.

4 pm

The vet called, she had taken Abby out to sit in the grass. The air, fresh gentle breeze, was enjoyed!

Still no walking! But we were making headway!

Monday, 8 am, I called.

Abby had taken a few

steps!!

โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’•โค๏ธ

Determined lil’ bugger!

That’s my Abby!

Monday 430 pm

I picked her up from

The vets!

She had been walking!

She practically leaped out of the Vet tech’s arms!

Me? I was glowing!

Proud fur momma!

My little girl!

We headed home!

My heart was

Full and it was singing!

๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽถ

Kind Regards and feeling the love – K

My time!

When acquaintances

Stop you on the street

To ask, How you’re doing?

Breathe, smile

Let it be.

When you show up

To surprise someone

And it’s you

Who gets the surprise!

Breathe, smile

Let it be.

When you realize

It was a possibility

And now it’s not.

Breathe, smile

Let it be.

โ˜€๏ธ

No more worrying

About that we.

Breathe, smile,

Feeling my inner

Sunshine Returning.

Remembering who I am!

Reveling in that awesome

Freedom of me!

I’m breathing

I’m smiling

The world is mine

For the taking!

As I turn and walk away,

I breathe,

Hug myself and smile.

Time, to let it be.

Kind Regards

and #winning – K

Photography by KoftheBlackWallBlog. 6.2018

โ€œCeeโ€™s Which Way Challengeโ€ June 2018

To the right in Grissom Ln

To the left on Grissom Ln

A memory-

My older bros favorite

Pastime – 200 mile trek with The Mountain Men!

The drive home…

Heading home from Maine

2010 overseas

๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ

๐Ÿ˜„

Have you joined in

One of Cee’s photography

Challenges?

Don’t miss out!

This is one of my all time favorites!

๐Ÿš

Kind Regards and remembering I am free to go wherever I please – K

Photography compliments

Of KoftheBlackwallblog, and the 2010 from a traveling friend.