Hello?

Can you see me?

You, sitting on the edge

Of my couch

Head tilted to your phone.

Can you hear me?

You sitting there

Physical body present,

Mindset unknown.

Can you talk to me?

You sitting there,

Quietly disengaged.

My inquiries,

Go unanswered.

Why are you here?

You sitting there,

Silent.

Me?

I feel trapped,

Sad,

Alone.

Kind Regards

and present – K

Infect

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Drowning in Plain Sight

Drowning in plain sight.

I read an article recently where a woman used this phrase to express how she felt during her battle with depression.

Drowning in plain sight.

Wow, I thought to myself. What a powerful statement. What an accurate statement.

Walking into work the other morning I was suffocated by my own anxiety. My chest was tight. My breath was quick. My mind… racing. My throat… restricted.

There it was… my anxiety. Drowning me… in plain sight.

I walk past my coworkers on the way to my desk. “Good Morning!” I say as I toss a “genuine” smile in their direction. I do my best not to look anyone directly in the eye and walk hurriedly as though I’m late to be somewhere. No one thinks anything of it. They think everything is fine. (This is a skill I have perfected over the years.)

Little did they know… I’m drowning…

As I sit down at my desk the restriction around my neck tightens. I’m trying to breathe… “just keep breathing” I tell myself. Find something to occupy your mind…

Drowning in plain sight.

Then I start to think to myself. Where is the life saver, the raft, the arm floaties?

In these moments there is a choice. I can choose to let this feeling control me or I can learn to control the emotion. How does one stop treading water and learn to swim during these times? (Or at least do the doggy paddle!)

Fast forward on this day… I survived! I stayed the entire work day. I didn’t go home. I didn’t implode, or explode and no one around me ever knew what happened.

I chose to find a floatation device and hang on.

(To be clear, it was not easy and I was exhausted. But I moved forward. Slowly, but surely, I came out victorious!)

So, what did I do?

I reached into my “tool kit” and found the flotation device I had stored there just for this occasion. (Like these occasions are actually planned! HA!)

First thing I realized was that I didn’t have to do this alone. I sent a text to my counselor to let her know I was drowning and was in need of extra ideas.

Secondly, I talked through what was going on with my best friend. (I find at times if you speak the emotions out loud it will release their power! Writing the emotions out has the same effect!)

Next, I snuck off to the handicap stall in the bathroom and cried. That’s right, just let myself feel the wave! I listened to my mind and my body, I found appreciation for why it was sending me these warning signs. (I have learned that these moments exist to warn us of something. Our bodies have a message for us. Sometimes I simply ask myself… What do you want me to know? You’ll be surprised what you may learn. I always take a moment to say thank you. I appreciate the warning, as the warning is there as a means of protection!)

At the suggestion of my counselor, I talked myself through an exercise: As you breathe identify 5 things you see; 4 things you hear; 3 things you smell; 2 things you taste; 1 positive thing you feel.. (This forced my anxious thoughts to slow down. My breath became calm and more grounded.)

Then finally, I wrote down gratitudes. I wrote down positive affirmations. I wrote down statements about myself that are true. (Did you know your brain cannot feel two emotions at one time? Focusing on what you love, believe, and that which makes you happy forces your brain to shift in that direction.) This exercise pulled the plug on the pool. The Tide turned. I suddenly felt myself find clarity and the anxiety lifted.

There I was. Exhausted… but standing with my head above water. I survived.

img_0359

My hope is that by sharing this story it will help you find strength and hope. Maybe one of the tools shared here will be something you’ve been looking to add to your emergency kit. Every day is a new day, another opportunity to witness yourself come out victorious. Every step is a step forward. Tiny victories are still victories!

Much love, Super Snail 🐌

Tide

Things Change

Tuesday morning he was

Laughing,

Tuesday afternoon he was

Gone.

The shock, brought silence.

Then tears

And grief.

Wednesday we awoke

To find his gift.

He must have whispered

In her ear.

“Let them remember me

With smiles,

Set them free from their pain.

Hence, Mother Nature

Gave us Spring.

❀️

Baby Lilacs

***

Blueberries buds

***

Maple

***

Hemlock pine cones!

***

In fond memory of Frank,

Gone but never forgotten.

Rest In Peace my friend.

πŸ¦‹

Kind Regards and sunshine -K

Photography compliments of BGage. 5/2/2018

Abrupt

Lines & Monday Musings

A “lot” of lines! 😁

***

Collecting sap to boil down and make Maple Syrup.

Yummy!

***

Looking up the Ct. River.

From the NH side looking to VT.

***

***

***

Opportunities for a pic are everywhere! πŸ¦‹

***

Parade? 😁

***

***

Have a seat! πŸ’ƒ

***

Natural lines!

***

Kind Regards and glad you’re here -K

🌷

Photography compliments and copyrighted by BGage and K of TheBlackWallBlog.

Lines

Your Ol’ Black Truck

Barbara Streisand sang it so perfectly in “The Way We Were”

“Can it be that it was all so simple then. Or has time rewritten every line” 😘

Opened up your text

A familiar ache,

Grabbed hold of me.

My heart stopped

For a moment.

There she was

Still shiny and black.

Chuck full of what was,

Promises, sweet words,

Infinite possibilities.

Our first kiss.

Wish we could go back,

And have a little chat.

But it was,

All so long ago.

Your Ol’ black truck

Filled with the sweetest memories,

Flashbacks of laughter,

Silliness and hope.

And

Adventures yet to be.

Wish we could go back,

And have a little chat.

But it was,

All so long ago.

So clearly I recall

Two people making plans.

I fell in love with you.

Watching the sunset.

While,

Sitting on the tailgate.

Of that Ol’ black truck.

Wish we could go back,

And have a little chat.

But it was,

All so long ago.

Has it been 3 years?

What happened to that spark?

That was ignited

On our mountain top?

Cruising to loud music,

As we traveled country roads.

In your Ol’ black truck.

Wish we could go back,

And have a little chat.

But it was,

All so long ago.

Somewhere,

Somehow,

As life continued on.

Our fire turned to embers,

The embers grew so cold.

Everything that started

From the spark

We ignited,

In your Ol’ black truck.

Wish we could go back,

And have a little chat.

But it was,

All so long ago.

Promises were broken.

Sweet words turned sour.

Infinite possibilities

Were crushed with reality.

All the dreams we shared,

Have passed their

Date of expiration.

Broken and sitting

In the back forty.

Put out to pasture,

Like your ol’ black truck.

Wish we could go back,

And have a little chat.

But it was,

All so long ago.

❀️

Kind Regards and Reminiscing -K

Photography compliments and copyrighted by BGage.

Notable

Cees FFC Challenge 4.22.18 -Free and Easy

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

Free books –

Take one,

Leave one.

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

Out For Breakfast at

A Local Mom & Pop

Store – Emma’s

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

Out and about visiting the many covered Bridges in our area.

This one located in

Cilleyville, NH πŸ˜†

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

Tom, Strutting his stuff!

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

A plane that turns with the direction of the wind.

East Andover, NH

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

The Ducks are back!

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

Ok you turkeys…

Remember, look both ways before you cross the road.

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

Taking flight!

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

Riding in the sunshine!

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

We adore Cee’s photography challenges!

Have you tried one?

Cee’s Photography Link

Kind Regards -K & friends

Photography copyrighted and compliments of BGage & DeterminedSupersnail & K of TheBlackWallBlog.

One step back

Fret! Fret! Fret!

Imagined the worst!

Worried!

Uptight!

Paced!

Couldn’t eat!

Couldn’t sleep!

Shoulders met my earlobes!

Doubt!

Felt Insecure!

Overly sensitive!

All because

I misread

The situation!

Why?

An old habit!

I thought I’d overcome.

I’m a banana head!

Now?

Chalk it up!

Let it go!

Laugh it off!

Look in the mirror!

Make a silly face!

Give myself the raspberry!

****

Often I seem to mirror

New England weather,

Yesterday

windows open

After work

I raked!

Some lawn had appeared!

Today,

It snowed!

Mother Nature dear

What ARE you up to?

Let it go!

Laugh it off!

Go look in the mirror,

Make a funny face!

Give yourself a raspberry!

Stop being a banana head!

Ha!

****

Remember:

****

#Winning!

Kind Regards and chuckling -K

Photography compliments and copyrighted by BGage and K at TheBlackWallBlog.

Thwart

Letter from a Super Snail

I am pleased to share a first and hopefully only the beginning of writing and sharing from a special guest that prefers to remain anonymous.

We are glad you joined us. ❀️

Each day is a new day,

a fresh start,

a clean slate.

Outsiders,

see courage, strength,

and determination take on the day.

Inside

the feelings of fear, exhaustion,

and timidness drive one foot in front of the other.

However, one foot is in front of the other.

Ever moving forward.

Progressing.

Hitting snooze seven times

and then getting up.

But she gets up.

On the outside she appears to have it all.

On the inside,

all of her is giving,

every ounce of effort

to get through the day.

Perception is your reality.

Moving forward is always moving forward.

They may see a lioness

and she may feel a snail.

Each serve their purpose

and still she is making progress.

Today, she is thankful for the tiny movements she made forward.

These are her victories.

They can think whatever the hell they want.

In the end.

It’s all the same anyway.

She is a champion!

❀️❀️

Great job!

🌹🌹

#winning

Kind Regards and proud of you, Snail -K

πŸ’–

Rush

My Backyard 4/7/2018

Spring hasn’t sprung yet,

in Northern New England.

But she’s a coming!

BGage has been out and about looking.

****

Earlier this week

Oopsee, another snow squall yesterday!

****

Someone else is out checking the weather, too!

****

Have you tried one of Cee’s

Photography challenges?

You truly need to check out the beautiful clicks there!

#SYW

This time we did

” Share Your World”

From our backyard to yours! 🌹

What was or is your favorite cartoon?

Scooby Doo!

Which cooking utensil (other than the usual pots and pans etc) would you miss the most?

My new zester!

Would you dare to sleep in haunted house overnight?

HECK NO!

What did you appreciate or what made you smile this past week? Β 

Some silly jokes from work! πŸ˜†πŸ˜† And that fat squirrel near my front porch!

🀭

Kind Regards -K

Photography compliments and copyrighted by BGage 2018.

Worth repeating

I originally published this

December 9, 2016.

My feelings haven’t changed, the number of lives that have touched mine have grown tremendously!

Followers and views have more than doubled.

We still dabble and share what feels best. Always learning, growing, learning!

What a fabulous path to

Glorious sunshine

And beautiful unknowns.

Thank you all for being here! 🌷🌷

https://theblackwallblog.wordpress.com/2016/12/09/i-earned-0-blogging-but/

Kind Regards and #winning -K

β€œCee’s Which Way Challenge” March 2018

*****

Springfield, VT

headed to NH

*****

Winter thaw, Mt Holly, Vt

2018

*****

Covered Bridge, Mt Holly

*****

Belmont, VT

*****

Driving in a lil’ snow storm

Holden Hill, Langdon, NH

*****

Rt 12, heading home, Charlestown, NH

*****

Entrance to a

Tree Farm, Mt Holly, VT

*****

Porcupine’s path

from underneath

the camp in

Mt Holly, VT

Really! 🐾

*****

Route 11, Springfield, VT

*****

“The” Boat landing,

Bellows Falls, VT

****

Williams River,

Rockingham, VT

*****

Bubbling brook,

My Holly, VT

*****

*****

Kind Regards

from Our travels

in Northern New England,

USA

-K

*****

Photography compliments of BGage &

K of TheBlackWallBlog.

I’d Rather Be….

Cruising down back country roads…

Just to

See what we can see,

Looking for fun clicks

With my buddy BGage

Making up silly songs

As we putt putt along.

“Drippity doo da…”

Enjoying some birthday

Cake with my daughter

In NC!

She sent me a pic

Hilarious!

It’s pic 17 of 17

Sent to me on 3/17!

As I’m sipping hot coffee

On this brisk

Sunday morning.

Looking over clicks

And journaling.

The truth is,

As my mind wanders

I can be wherever

I choose to be!

Kind Regards and

#winning -K

I’d Rather Be…

So Long My Sweet

Through two generations

Of dogs you’ve trained.

And seeing the kids go from

High school to college and

Off to war and back.

You held out your paw

To reassure.

Hey mom,

No worries,

I’ve got your back.

Almost 20 years

We road life’s waves,

And I knew that you

Would let me know

Whence you were tired

And needed to go.

That you did

My sweet purring babe.

As promised

I took you for

Your last earthly ride.

I held you close

And sang our songs,

Whispered Praises

In your ear.

I love you always

See you soon.

Give hugs to all

At the Rainbow’s Bridge,

My sweet Celina,

So precious and dear

Run free and

Feel Β after life’s glow.

For all the times

You stood by me

I can’t be selfish

And keep you here,

That wasn’t part of

Our original deal.

One last kiss, last breath

And off you go.

For now

The ache in my heart

Will overflow,

But later on

When it’s my time to go,

All of you

That have gone before,

Will gather together

and Β we shall celebrate.

For the love in a mother’s heart

Is a promise, eternally pure.

 

 

img_1704

Kind Regards and missing my gal – K

 

Celina RIP 2/9/2018

Tend

Sewing Love

A time honored tradition,

Sewing.

My grandmother taught me. A teacher for 47 years, her passions were grandchildren, sewing, knitting, baking and swimming.

Grandkids coming to her house to swim, then having cookies and milk.

Every grandchild was given beautiful knitted mittens for Christmas. Granddaughters got Raggedy Ann’s.

Grandma love! ❀️

In later years, after she and grandpa retired, she became legally blind.

I sewed her a Raggedy Ann. Not once had she sewn one for herself.

She was overjoyed.

As was tradition,

my granddaughter received…

You guessed it.

I mailed my surprise,

My daughter sent me this:

Granddaughter hugs

For a tradition

Filled With Grandma loves. ❀️

Kind Regards and #winning – G’Ma K

Beloved