Journaling is EASY! 6.7.19

Keeping a journal:

Whether you do it in the morning or the evening, writing down what you’re grateful for can open you up for more things to be happy about!

If you walk around grumbling and throwing negativity around. I have experienced that it opens you up to more negative thoughts and events.

When you start thinking and tracking the good stuff, more good things arrive. You even have a more positive outlook!

Go ahead try it for a few weeks and let me know what you experience.

*Soon to be released at a fantastic price, Great Cover Journals. Watch for them on Amazon.

#winning!

❤️

Kind Regards – K

Nightmare within a Nightmare 3.2019

 

 

A freshly baked tingling, numb turnover

Filled with pudding-like loneliness

Drizzled with sadness

Placed in the center of the breakfast plate,

and served with a side of cold truth coffee.

 

I realize my physician is trying to help. If it hadn’t been for the fact my psychiatrist at home had suggested the drug, I would not have tried it.

Saturday, I drove the 12 miles to Walmart. (Yahoo me), and picked up my scripts. Included was the new one, $200 dollar for the generic version of Abilify.

Six hours from taking 1/4 of a pill, 5 mgs, I became very angry at the dogs as we were out in the field. A little voice in my head, thought, this is odd. Why am I mad at the dogs? Once we got into the house, the dogs had their treats and I settled to watch a movie, a dreadful feeling of loss, hopelessness and sadness hit my gut. I started to sob. I reached for tissue to capture the giant tears that rolled down my face.

Taking a few deep breaths, I thought, what the hell?

I grabbed a glass of water, inhaled and exhaled some deep cleansing breaths, then napped off and on for the next 12 hours. I was sooo tired. That was Saturday.

Sunday, I awoke, and took another 5 mgs. it wasnt long and I grew very sleepy, I hadn’t been up very long. Barely, long enough to shower and have some breakfast, take the dogs out and back to sleep I went. I awoke in a fog. Took the dogs out, felt the anger like rage pop up again. WTH? Something was wrong. Why was I so enraged? The dogs and I worked our way to the house, feeling exhausted I plunked my butt on the couch and researched, withdrawal symptoms and then Abilify.

Dang! it was the Abilify! A known side effect that was not put as a warning on any literature. Some of the stories I read and the study findings I discovered gave me goosebumps. Then, the sobbing started…

>>>>>>>>>

Another bump in the road. I will get through this one too. No more Abilify. As a matter of fact, no more “so called” helpful drug(s) until I am through the detoxing. I want to try the natural way. Good food and exercise. I have 2 mg of lorazepam to go.

Wish me luck.

 

Kind Regards and determined to win – K

 

Transitioning 2.22.19

I’m cold, I’m hot,

I’m hot, I’m cold.

I’m a little shy

And then I’m bold.

What was that?

Oh that?

It was a zap!

A tingling if you may.

My fingers, my toes,

It comes and goes.

Take a hot shower, ahhh!

Go for a walk!

Drink lots of water,

Flush it out!

Breath! Just breath!

Drink a healthy smoothie

Make it two!

Oh crap!

What was that?

Another zap!

Just because there’s a PhD

Doesn’t mean, they

Know what’s best for me.

For years I’ve studied

My anxiety.

I’m hot, I’m cold

I’m cold, I’m hot!

I’m a little shy

And then I’m bold.

What was that?

Oh that?

It was a zap!

A tingling if you may.

My fingers, my toes,

It comes and goes.

Hanging in there,

Soon it will be over.

#winning

Kind Regards – K

Shameful Behavior

I am witness

Of what you have done

To her.

Inflicting her heart

With the agonizing pain

Of ten-thousand deaths

With your manipulative

Ways.

Making her life decisions

Without consultation,

Imprisoning her in a world

Of self doubt.

Tempting her with

glimpses and promises

of your love and warmth.

Then yanking them away

Knocking her off her feet.

Time and again.

Never allowing

The dust of comfort

And peace to settle.

You are an idiot

Undeserving of her

Unselfish gifts of

Heart, warmth, caring

And love.

It’s simple.

Passive aggressive

Behavior is your specialty.

A person’s life decisions

Belong to them.

Freedom of choice

Through communication

And collaboration with

Knowledge of all the facts.

The only existing copyright

Of creating circumstances

For blind lifestyle choices

Belong to God and the

universe.

To think all her pain

Was avoidable,

If only you were who

You portrayed yourself

To be.

Unfortunately, the scars

Of your making

Will remain forevermore.

My only hope is

That I have saved her

In time.

As for you,

I know she wishes you

The best

And will always be dumb

Enough to hold a tiny spark

Of hope.

For she is a beautiful

believer in the power

Of good in everyone.

❤️

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”-

-Oprah Winfrey

“The one who is meant for you encourages you to be your best, but still loves and accepts you at your worst.” – Unknown

Kind Regards as I help a friend – K

❤️🌎❤️

Can You Hear Me? 9.20.18

Last week was

National Suicide Prevention Week.

So many people

On numerous social sites,

Posted their support,

The hot lines.

Did you absorb

What it’s truly about?

Did you actually read

And understand the signs?

***

Can you hear me

Begging for help

By my silence?

Did you notice

I’m keeping to myself

These days?

Have you seen a dullness

That replaced a sparkle

In my eyes?

Have you wondered

About my flash anger

When there’s nothing

For me to be mad about?

Can you tell

By my hollowed cheeks

And clothing grown too big,

That I’ve lost my appetite?

Can you hear the silence,

Since I stopped answering

my phone?

Have you noticed

Dirty coffee mugs

In my sink,

Piled higher each day?

Do you see

The unopened bills

Stacked higher, on

The kitchen table?

You say I’m so strong.

Can work thru anything.

Yes, once I was!

I’ve searched

For my strength,

It’s disappeared.

Can you hear me?

The dogs can.

No worries,

They’ll alert the neighbors

Once I’m gone.

Will you look back,

And hear me then?

☀️🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾☀️

Make sure you know

What to look for,

take notice of your

Friends and family.

If their is an

Unexplained behavioral

Change.

Don’t just chalk it up,

To your knowledge

There has been

” a little” extra stress

In their life.

In a calm manner,

Ask questions.

Remember, just because

They’ve weathered tough

times before, doesn’t mean

this time it’s the same.

Everything maybe okay!

They may just be stumbling

Right now.

But if you don’t ask

The questions

How will you know

For sure?

Kind Regards and hugs – K

❤️🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾☀️

One step back

Fret! Fret! Fret!

Imagined the worst!

Worried!

Uptight!

Paced!

Couldn’t eat!

Couldn’t sleep!

Shoulders met my earlobes!

Doubt!

Felt Insecure!

Overly sensitive!

All because

I misread

The situation!

Why?

An old habit!

I thought I’d overcome.

I’m a banana head!

Now?

Chalk it up!

Let it go!

Laugh it off!

Look in the mirror!

Make a silly face!

Give myself the raspberry!

****

Often I seem to mirror

New England weather,

Yesterday

windows open

After work

I raked!

Some lawn had appeared!

Today,

It snowed!

Mother Nature dear

What ARE you up to?

Let it go!

Laugh it off!

Go look in the mirror,

Make a funny face!

Give yourself a raspberry!

Stop being a banana head!

Ha!

****

Remember:

****

#Winning!

Kind Regards and chuckling -K

Photography compliments and copyrighted by BGage and K at TheBlackWallBlog.

Thwart