Transitioning 2.22.19

I’m cold, I’m hot,

I’m hot, I’m cold.

I’m a little shy

And then I’m bold.

What was that?

Oh that?

It was a zap!

A tingling if you may.

My fingers, my toes,

It comes and goes.

Take a hot shower, ahhh!

Go for a walk!

Drink lots of water,

Flush it out!

Breath! Just breath!

Drink a healthy smoothie

Make it two!

Oh crap!

What was that?

Another zap!

Just because there’s a PhD

Doesn’t mean, they

Know what’s best for me.

For years I’ve studied

My anxiety.

I’m hot, I’m cold

I’m cold, I’m hot!

I’m a little shy

And then I’m bold.

What was that?

Oh that?

It was a zap!

A tingling if you may.

My fingers, my toes,

It comes and goes.

Hanging in there,

Soon it will be over.

#winning

Kind Regards – K

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TODAY WE CELEBRATE! 2.16.2019

ZEN TO ZANY
ZEN TO ZANY CAPTURES IT AGAIN. Please visit her site on Etsy.com

 

Celebrate! Celebrate! Dance to the music… (Three Dog Night)

CELEBRATE LINK ON YOUTUBE

Good morning,

Yesterday morning, when I took the dogs out for their morning walk… the sky, almost daylight bright from the light beaming from the moon and stars, looked as if someone had tossed hand fulls of cotton balls all about. It was an awesome sight! This morning, it’s dark and drizzling.

BUT there is “nothing” that can darken this day!

TODAY, I will be attending my youngest grand daughter’s birthday party. It will be the first time I will be able to appear in person, not via FACETIME!

Happy Dance!!  WOOT WOOT!!

 

Tomorrow, I will start the med change, for today I will revel in what I have been hoping to do for FIVE years!

TODAY, WE SHALL CELEBRATE LIFE WITH DANCING, SINGING, ENJOYING GRANDDAUGHTER HUGS AND EATING CAKE!!

#WINNING

xxxooxxxoooxxxoooxxxooo

 

Kind Regards and wishing you the best day- K

 

Healthy is GREAT! But…. A Challenge to My Health Conscious Friends 2.13.2019

no matter how slow you go 2.13.19 blog post saying

 

Live healthy!! Eat right!

Exercise!!

This supplement helps with this and that and also gives a boost to, etc…

Take this med to help with your anxiety… GREAT! NOT!!

These days, so many individuals are suffering from high blood pressure! Almost every

healthy supplement states- will help lower your blood pressure.

Fantastic, RIGHT?

WRONG!

There are some of us who have a naturally low blood pressure.

Mine happens to be around 90/60!

If I lower it anymore, I’ll be on the floor!  ha!

My standard heart rate equals 57. Not too bad, eh?

 

Walking around in a dazed, weakened stupor is not only dangerous

but DEFINITELY NOT FUN!

Interestingly enough, as most of my friends are being told to watch their salt intake,

I have instructions to increase mine. Hey! What can I say? SORRY!

Much like my dad, I have always been a pepper lover!! If it’s not covered in black,

delectable, coarse speckles, it needs more!  😉

 

Yesterday, for Valentine’s day and my 57th (eek!) birthday, I had a scheduled primary care visit.

**He is literally taking me off my 12 year anti-anxiety regiment of  1.5 xanax in am, .5- 2 hours later, .5- 2 hours later and .5 at bedtime- cold turkey and switching me to 1mg of lorazepam twice per day, and upping my 25 mg Topiramate to twice per day. 

I checked with the local pharmacist. She is not impressed that he is having me quit xanax cold turkey, but said is should not be life threatening. GOOD NEWS!

Unfortunately, I will be experiencing withdrawals. OH SHUCKS!

I am researching, things to have on hand for healthy cleansing/nutritious smoothies, hydration and whatever else I can find.

 

Here is THE CHALLENGE for all my

HEALTH CONSCIOUS friends out there:

Find me some healthy lifestyle foods and smoothies,

that will “NOT DECREASE” my blood pressure, 

PLUS

 Any HELPFUL TIPS you can give me, to get through this transition

will be way beyond appreciated. (I am literally scared sh*tless)

 

Anxiously, awaiting your comments!!

 

Kind Regards and Happy Friday- K

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Place for Everything 2.3.2019

as the rooster crows 2 2.3.2019 sunrise

 

img_8183

Moving?

Leave the negative dirt and dust behind.

Rule of thumb:  New place/home, once you arrive, purchase a new dust pan, broom and vacuum cleaner.

Excellent concept!

That is exactly what I did. Now that I am in North Carolina I have purchased  a bright red broom and dustpan, the  vacuum is a purple upright, bagless Hoover.

Bright vibrant colors for a fresh start!

 

A place for everything and everything in it’s place. Who said that?

 

As I open my moving boxes, each piece of  memorabilia is cleansed  with clorox wipes.  Each piece of  clothing and bedding is either tossed or freshly washed.  This should remove any negativity from the past.

A slow process, but definitely worth it.

NOW the difficult part. Where should each precious item go?

The newest trend is to be a minimalist. That is a fantastic thought. For me, there are some things that cannot be replaced. My antique saws and antique tools from my older brother.

The memory of my pond  in the garden out front. I brought these frogs, to always carry a piece of that pond with me.

froggies from the pond garden at home

Going through the totes of a large variety of items, I realize that some will have a place others will not.

Setting up your new place:

When someone walks through your front door… what will they see? When you walk through the door what says “HOME” to you?

Well I am off to play with some antique washboards and other beloved treasures.

 

Enjoy your day.

Here in North Carolina the sun is shining on Superbowl Sunday!!

 

 

Love and hugs to all.

Kind Regards – K

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Own the Day! 1.31.2019

 

orangeflowersfromghehauntedhouse

 

Good morning all. 

 19 degrees here in North Carolina! We are extremely lucky considering other parts of the country are experiencing sub-zero temps. 

I wanted to share a little something I wrote a few weeks ago. When you endure days with anxiety, panic and depression, you often have to reach deep to find your strength.

Writing brings my inner strength to the forefront of my mind and helps me  grab onto the life I deserve! Putting my thoughts on paper, re-enforces the positive and gives me a little extra push, for my continuous journey forward.

Part of #winning is learning what it takes to be your own cheerleader!

 

Own the Day

‘Own the day or the day could own you.’- Kallie Knight

She was back! The drug, the doctor had prescribed day before yesterday, had taken her to a euphoria buzz, onto fog brain, then about 12 hours later, weakness, severe headache, heart palpitations accompanied by a sore throat.

Thursday had been a waste.  She couldn’t sleep. She couldn’t think clearly enough to perform the simple task of washing the dishes.

Damn doctors, she thought. Why can’t they listen? She had told her new primary care physician, that anything he prescribed needed to be the lowest dose then divided by half.  Thank heavens she had taken half a pill, 10 mg of the 20 mg prescription.

The drug? ESCITLOPRAM. It was supposed to enhance her mood, work with her current depression med. Now, she knew, when and IF she attempted it again, she was would only take 5mg.

Right now, she had responsibilities. Her dogs, prepping to finally, after a month and a half of living in an interim place, to MOVE! A REAL apartment!  The place she would call home.

K smiled as she  looked forward to hanging her hat!

YES! Today she would start to move a few things.  Luckily, her daughter who currently lived there, had the second bathroom cleaned out. Today, she would pick the items that could fit into that room. Only, fifteen minutes away from her current location it was like the difference from night and day.

Troutman, NC was a slice of heaven! Acres of fields, open space with the bonus of horses and cows, down the road. It was the one place, her whole being felt at home.

 

 

FINALLY, she felt HOPEFUL!

Doing the best one can, under any circumstance is what earns a person the title of survivor.

Feeling intense relief, she sipped her morning coffee, and felt exhilarated!

She KNEW-

TODAY, SHE OWNED THE DAY!

headinthecloudstroutmannc

zentozanythingsyoulearninastorm

Compliments of Zen to Zany!!

 

Kind Regards and #winning – K

 

1.29.19 AHHH WIFI AND LIFE! (2 min read)

febuary girls t-shirt

HELLO EVERYONE!

Finally, I am back!

So much has happened, I will attempt to give you the Reader’s Digest version:

First of all I would like to say, I have missed every single one of you. Sounds crazy, but I love being a part of the blogging family!  Sending out warm wishes and K hugs all around!!  🙂

I am finally  moved into my new apartment! Thank you very much to my daughter, her new hubby and brothers! Happy dance going on here!!

7penske truck 1.27.2019

Back in the country again! Yes! Troutman, NC is a little bit country.

When I walk the dogs early in the morning, I can hear the cows mooing down the street!

Abby and Chief, feel quite at home! Lot’s of grass, space and a whole lot of new smells. What more could a beloved fur child ask for?

chief and abby exploring at their new house

These last few days have been  frustrating, eye-opening and a celebratory time.

Celebration: Moved and a whole bedroom of boxes to explore! Wifi is back! We feel extremely at home in our new place. One neighbor even brought me some of his specialty chicken as a welcome to the neighborhood! Too cool!

My grandaughter started a new Christian private school yesterday! A glorious opportunity for her to receive a wonderful education!

Eye opening:  I have a new primary physician! He was very intelligent and I loved the overall feel of the office. They called me “Miss K”.

I got my overdue eye exam done. New glasses on the way!

One downside, I have the beginning stages of cataracts! A bit of a scare for me.  Macular degeneration is hereditary, and when my grandmother, soon after retirement had one of hers removed, she lost her sight in that eye. With an inoperable cataract in the other eye eventually she became legally blind. Something, I have had a subconscious fear of for over twenty years.

Frustration: I have one daily medication that I take, that I am having a difficult time finding a doctor to prescribe. It is not controlled in North Carolina as it was up North. The frustrating aspect- I have to somehow prove I am not a drug addict! Guilty until you prove yourself innocent. To prove one’s innocence you have to get an appointment.  That is the challenge! No one will let me in the door so that I can do so. I will NOT give up, I cant! But definitely a PIA!!

#Winning: I AM HERE! 

I am getting settled!

My dreams are coming true.

blue skies 15.19

Blue skies babee!!

A click from my walk at the new place the other night!

red sky sunset with copyright from my second day here!!

 

“With confidence you have won even before you have started.” – Marcus Garvey

Since I have arrived at this part of my life journey, I have proven, once again, push on through your panic and you can live the life you deserve!!

Just close your eyes and DO IT!

Kind Regards and #winning – K

 

 

 

 

#Winning 1.17.2019

New in town and still learning my way around as I Prep for a very special
Wedding.

YES!! My daughter is getting married this Sunday!

 

I know that it is in my best interest to assure the “Bride to be” is pleased, with the “Mother of the bride’s outfit”!!

 

Yesterday, I tried on a variety of outfits, took photos and sent them to my daughter.

 

Fifteen plus clicks and at least 8 outfits later, we had it narrowed down to black dress slacks, knee length, Olive green sweater, that I can wear with my black ankle boots or a lovely, calf length black dress.

YES! Black, NO LONGER TABOO, can be a very classy look at weddings.   I tried pairing mine with a variety of colored lightweight, waist length, long sleeved, cardigans and colorful scarves.

This event is casual, so I need to be careful not to overdress!

I am no Fashionista, but love that by simply changing your scarf, one can change the overall look and feel of an outfit.

 

This one, I captioned: “Stephen Tyler” wants his scarf back. 😊

stephen tylers scarf hahaa116.2018

 

In the middle of the clicks I sent this one to daughter, how could I resist? tee hee!

 

scarf

One hurdle to go!

Now, to find a place to get my hair done.

Remember, I am the “new kid” in town, so I asked some of the cashiers at the local Food Lion, grocery store in Statesville.  SUPER, excited for the wedding, they were eager to help.  Off I went with groceries in hand and a couple of salon options. Fingers crossed I pick the right one!

 

Stay tuned for pics!

 

happiess and love quote our choice for blog 1.17.2019

 

Another 2 weeks and I should have wifi again… Missing all of you!!

 

Kind Regards and #winning – K

 

 

Photography compliments and copyrighted by K of theblackwallblog.

Through the Panic Wall 1.6.2019

With an exasperated groan, Megan threw back the covers. Sitting up, she turned and instantly shivered as her bare feet touched the cold floor. She knew her tossing and turning was causing the dog’s restlessness.  Grabbing her I-phone, the digital clock was showing it was barely 12:30 AM. UGH!

Her mind was buzzing. Round and round, snippets of conversations and events, from the last few months, all playing at once.  Comparable to 60 plus movies; Genres from romance, drama, and a bit of comedy. The brevity and speed of each scene, was comparable to, running on an overload of Red Bull. Thought snippets literally, flashed, flickered and bounced, about her brainwaves.

Her life, not negative, was filled with many questions, with yet to be discovered answers. But…

STOP, dammit!

She grabbed a coat to cover her PJ’s, stuck her feet in her favorite worn out sneakers, and took the dogs outside.

Immediately, they started barking. “Go potty”, she said, but obviously there was someone in the used car lot across the street. They refused to pay attention to their business. Gut intuition added to her heightened anxiety, she quickly gave up and shooed them back into the house and locked the deadbolt.

Pouring herself a mug of coffee, then topping it off with Almond milk, Megan thought, Why fight it? Feeling wide awake, she headed down the hall towards her office and laptop.

 

Panic attacks, suck!  Sorry, but they do!

Mine are random and occur occasionally, generally within days of encountering

A high stress situation. Much different than the early 90’s when at first I had zero clue as to what was happening. Back then they were an immediate response to seemingly nothing at all and happening several times per week.

 

 

 img_8636

 

 

Tips to win the fight against anxiety:

*Research, research, research.

*Seek counseling.

*Identify!  NO! You are NOT losing your marbles!

*Search for an underlying cause.

*Start monitoring your caffeine intake.

*Learn coping mechanisms.

*Giving each at least 6 weeks, try one of the numerous  natural practices for rewiring your mind and thoughts.

*Implement Yoga and/or relaxation techniques.

*Take medication, if necessary.

*Exercise on a regular basis.

*Push on thru them.

*Get plenty of rest via a set sleeping schedule. Usually works, (wink)!

*Buy a Staples “That was Easy!”, button. (one of my earlier tricks and blog posts 3 years ago!) See link Below: **

* My favorite, PANIC ATTACK BUSTER, the counter clockwise to clockwise, pointer finger at belly button level exercise.  It is SO SIMPLE, yet SO EFFECTIVE!

See link Below: **

 

**The BlackWall Blog – all-natural-free-anxiety-reversal-trick posted 8.29.18

**The BlackWall Blog- Story about the Staples- “THAT WAS EASY” Post

anti anxiety tool kit book picture

*Do NOT give up!

 

YES! There IS life before, after AND during panic attacks. NEVER, let them stop you from being you!

 

 

 

We are always learning!

Have a suggestion on how to cope with them?

Feel free to share!

 

*I am not a professional doctor, no degrees, except my Quick Books Certification, on my office wall. These are just suggestions of what I have done for the last 26ish years. During some of those years, I lived panic free! Need help? Please, contact your local professional healthcare provider.

 

 

Kind Regards and #winning -K

Dreams Can Come True 12.25.18

img_5687

Merry Christmas all!

I hope this finds you all happy and enjoying a festive day with loved ones.

Whether it be friends or family, having  people around to be supportive and to
care for is probably more important than a lot of people realize. (Including me for a long time)

I, for the first time in years, enjoyed sneaking over to my daughter’s house

to be there when my youngest granddaughter awoke.

Yes! I got to see her face as she came around the corner and found

Santa had indeed, left many glorious gifts under the tree!

Even those darn reindeer left quite a mess in the driveway, spreading oats all about!

(Viualize a 4 1/2 year old with hands on hips looking disgusted. tee! hee!).

It is the first time in years that I have had this pleasure.

My heart is singing!!

 

If you are spending a day alone, as I have in the past. That is okay too.

Do your best to think about what you are grateful for. What is in your life

that causes you to smile?

Watch an upbeat movie, comedy, favorite sport’s show. By all means, if someone invites you over to din din, GO.

I often spent the day, relaxing in my jammies, making it my own special occasion.

What ever you decide works best for you, GO FOR IT!

Promise me one thing, if for one minute you feel darkness or an overwhelming sadness creeping in… Get yourself out of the house and around people or pick up the phone and call someone to chat! If needed head to the local hospital. Whatever you need to do to make it through this day… DO IT.

YOU ARE WORTH IT!
As seems to be my norm… I found a few quotes to share:

 

“When the universal timing and our timing are different, that doesn’t mean that

things aren’t working. Trust the process.” – Unknown

 

It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.” – Sir Edmund Hillary

 

“The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the 

environment in which you first find yourself.” – Mark Caine

 

If I can make it, so can you!! xxooxxoo

image1

 

Kind Regards and sending holiday hugs to all – K

😉

Photography copyrighted and compliments of BGage. Quote signage created in Text2Pic and Motivation quotes brought together by K – 12.2018

Out of My Comfort Zone

GPS shows me where to go

Otherwise, it’s two dogs

One cat and me.

Not a familiar place

Nor even a smiling face

Do I recognize.

I search for beauty

Whenever I can,

Such as the glorious blooms

Next door

At a place that looks

Like it could be haunted.

Yet no fear is felt

When I walk by,

Only a soulful peace.

A welcome contrast to my

Inner doubt and turmoil.

Loneliness keeps knocking.

Outwardly you’d not know

Of my tears shed behind

Closed doors.

I keep pushing forward

Thru panic’s swirling fog

And depression’s darkness.

Late day migraines are

Currently my reward.

The mind’s grand tricks

To force my surrender.

My will grows weary,

Yet I push on

Determined.

❤️💃🏻💃🏻❤️

Kind Regards- K

🤗

Photography via K at TheBlackWallBlog Dec 2018.

Boundaries and no answers. 12.16.18

Dealing with changes is challenging no matter what your age.

At 56 after waiting 8 very long years for my son, a vet and I, to find a middle ground, I decided to make that move from NH to NC.

Sadly/gladly, thanks to my daughter, the day we packed the truck for the move, I saw my son for the first time in two years.

He stated, you’ve never came to visit me. Interesting statement considering I had been told his home was off limits.

Trying for a mom hug, the response? “You start any shit and I’ll get in my truck and leave.”

Painful? Hell yes!

Am I still sad? Definitely!

Can I continue to keep my life on hold? No!

He’s angry about life.

I’ve researched, tried at least 20 plus ways to approach him.

It doesn’t work!

I’ve been in NC, barely a week and now I’m getting angry texts. Some random subjects that make zero sense, others make sense but, why now?

He just threatened me with not being in my life if I don’t give a particular item of mine, that I had planned on giving him.

Uhm, hello?

He would have had it the day I moved. Unfortunately in texting with him a few days earlier he informed me he wasn’t going to be there, so I packed it.

Three guesses which box? Honestly, I don’t know.

My dad was a correctional officer in the 1940-50’s. I have his badge. My son followed a similar route, not the same state. Yes, it would be awesome for him to have it.

But he’s accusing me of hiding it from him. Sigh.

So after numerous ugly texts that started last night. Then continued into today.

I blocked him.

Then got physically ill.

😢

He text me a different way.

“You blocked me?”

I didn’t answer.

I’m out of answers.

My son always says-

A MOTHER NEVER GIVES UP!

He’s Right!

I JUST PUT MYSELF IN TIMEOUT!

❤️

“It’s okay to be scared, but you have to get out there, open up, love, make mistakes, learn, be stronger, and start all over again. -Unknown

Kind Regards and

Moving forward- K

😎

Photography compliments of K of TheBlackWallBlog 12.18

Shameful Behavior

I am witness

Of what you have done

To her.

Inflicting her heart

With the agonizing pain

Of ten-thousand deaths

With your manipulative

Ways.

Making her life decisions

Without consultation,

Imprisoning her in a world

Of self doubt.

Tempting her with

glimpses and promises

of your love and warmth.

Then yanking them away

Knocking her off her feet.

Time and again.

Never allowing

The dust of comfort

And peace to settle.

You are an idiot

Undeserving of her

Unselfish gifts of

Heart, warmth, caring

And love.

It’s simple.

Passive aggressive

Behavior is your specialty.

A person’s life decisions

Belong to them.

Freedom of choice

Through communication

And collaboration with

Knowledge of all the facts.

The only existing copyright

Of creating circumstances

For blind lifestyle choices

Belong to God and the

universe.

To think all her pain

Was avoidable,

If only you were who

You portrayed yourself

To be.

Unfortunately, the scars

Of your making

Will remain forevermore.

My only hope is

That I have saved her

In time.

As for you,

I know she wishes you

The best

And will always be dumb

Enough to hold a tiny spark

Of hope.

For she is a beautiful

believer in the power

Of good in everyone.

❤️

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”-

-Oprah Winfrey

The one who is meant for you encourages you to be your best, but still loves and accepts you at your worst.” – Unknown

Kind Regards as I help a friend – K

❤️🌎❤️

Changes 10.29.18

Exciting and scary all at the same time.

My house is being shown this coming weekend.

I’m sorting and boxing up 28 years of my NH life. Getting ready for a change.

Actually, it goes further back if you count the items and memories saved from the sale of my childhood home in early 2000.

Mixed emotions.

Sadness, thankfulness and mindfully staying open to new adventures.

If everything falls into place, a month from now, I shall be living near my youngest granddaughter!

At only 4 1/2, what a delight it will be to be a regular part of her life, instead of flying in every 6 months and FaceTime chats and dinners!

Bittersweet, selfishly wanting both things at once. My home and the freedom to travel to see her every week.

I’ll will keep you posted!

Kind Regards – K

#winning

Great Things are Happening! 10.19.18

Please be patient with me.

I am running a bit behind this week.

There are major “positive” changes happening in my life.

☀️

Often, when times seem bleak and you are feeling lost. Thinking and fretting while wondering what the hell you are going to do? Because things are NOT working….

😳

The universe opens a door to an opportunity. An opportunity which causes a ripple and suddenly everything is falling into place. Your heart, soul and your mind know, THIS IS THE PATH, you must follow!

😁

I am, selling my house after 22 years. (Yikes) YES! I have an offer! WOW!

☀️

Packing and preparing to move from NH to NC!

❤️

I will be closer to my littlest granddaughter!

Finally, I will be able to watch her grow!

Lots of glorious G’ma hugs in my future! ❤️☀️❤️

GREAT STUFF!

“The warmth of the rays of glorious sunshine surround me!” 🌞

#winning

Kind Regards and thinking of all of you- K

❤️🤗🤗❤️

Can You Hear Me? 9.20.18

Last week was

National Suicide Prevention Week.

So many people

On numerous social sites,

Posted their support,

The hot lines.

Did you absorb

What it’s truly about?

Did you actually read

And understand the signs?

***

Can you hear me

Begging for help

By my silence?

Did you notice

I’m keeping to myself

These days?

Have you seen a dullness

That replaced a sparkle

In my eyes?

Have you wondered

About my flash anger

When there’s nothing

For me to be mad about?

Can you tell

By my hollowed cheeks

And clothing grown too big,

That I’ve lost my appetite?

Can you hear the silence,

Since I stopped answering

my phone?

Have you noticed

Dirty coffee mugs

In my sink,

Piled higher each day?

Do you see

The unopened bills

Stacked higher, on

The kitchen table?

You say I’m so strong.

Can work thru anything.

Yes, once I was!

I’ve searched

For my strength,

It’s disappeared.

Can you hear me?

The dogs can.

No worries,

They’ll alert the neighbors

Once I’m gone.

Will you look back,

And hear me then?

☀️🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾☀️

Make sure you know

What to look for,

take notice of your

Friends and family.

If their is an

Unexplained behavioral

Change.

Don’t just chalk it up,

To your knowledge

There has been

” a little” extra stress

In their life.

In a calm manner,

Ask questions.

Remember, just because

They’ve weathered tough

times before, doesn’t mean

this time it’s the same.

Everything maybe okay!

They may just be stumbling

Right now.

But if you don’t ask

The questions

How will you know

For sure?

Kind Regards and hugs – K

❤️🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾☀️