Suicide, A Memory Not shortlived

If you are feeling sad, overwhelmed, or that you might harm yourself. 

Call 911, Call a friend, get to the Emergency room and explain how you feel.

SUICIDE is NOT the answer.

I have written a short recollection, of the impact of suicide and how it has affected me and my family for my entry for Miracle’s challenge. It needed to be written. Please do not read if you feel it might upset you.

Kind Regards – K

 

It was a  seemingly random day, temperature about 90 degrees, the 28th day of August, 17 years ago,that I got the call.

As the news was reported to me and the other end hung up, I dropped to the floor as my knees gave way. There was no attempt to stay upright. The house phone must have fallen beside me, though I have no recollection. Shock. Disbelief. Just an all consuming overwhelming sadness of something I struggled to grasp, believe,  but no matter how I tried, I couldn’t quite fathom.

My next thought, the children… Where is K? Did she overhear? OH MY GOD, screamed my brain! I must find K!  How will I ever tell her?   Then I shall have to find D,  he is playing with his friends. OH! DEAR! GOD!  How can I? How does one? I shouted out my daughter’s name and went off looking for her…  and a bit later we drove off to find my son.

 

Now, 17 years later.

That fateful day. This thought still travels through my brain. Why? Why didn’t you call me and tell me you were struggling with life? That you had such a dark  shadow of a cloud hanging over you? Why did you just give into it, in silence?

We know not why he felt he had no choice. But, his suicide is still a dark cloud that hangs over our heads. It is rarely spoken about. When it is, we handle it matter of fact, due to it’s familiarity. Seemingly odd, that could be something  with which we’ve become comfortable.

It is what it is. We cannot change what happened. We have no choice but to accept what is. He made the decision and gave us no vote.

What can we do? Nothing, is the answer.

 

We live our daily lives as most everyone does. When the day is quiet, I often speak to him and ask him questions, to which I get no replies nor will I ever.

Sometimes I even get angry and yell at him for being so self centered and selfish. Other times, I speak as I talk to an old best friend. My heart believes he sees how well the children have done through the years.

He knows what wonderful loving adults they are.

I believe he does. For that is what I am left with. That is MY choice.

The only one my ex-husband left me.

 

In loving Memory of Rocklin DeWayne Webb 9.1.63 – 8.28.99

 

 

 

Daily post Miniature

G’ma’s Love Knows No Distance

I remember, THE call, SHE was born, the smile-filled burst that filled my heart.

 Thru my cell, I sang Twinkle Little Star, when she was barely 10 minutes old.

Many miles between, yet cherished love encompassed us from the start. 

I’ll never forget, six months later, the joyful tears streaming, 

As I felt the warmth, of the sweetest hug, the first time ever I held her.

Once in a lifetime photograph- Cherished Memories

Compliments of K- “The first time Ever I held her”

#MiracleChallenge Week -10

Miracle challenge #10

Using #5 Smile.

See Miracle I really do exist… 🙂

Kind Regards and feeling beyond blessed – K

Daily post Eyes
Weekly photo challenge Rare

Portrait Of A Day, Mount Holly #2

When there's no sound of singing birds         

During morning's early light.

The forest sits eerily still,

With lack of busy chatter,

From chipmunks, squirrels and such.

As senses search, dew laden thickets, 

Not one rustle, peep nor flutter found.
        
Today, there's lack of early day magic,

In the deepest of Vermont woods.

Lifeless trees stand motionless

Mirroring the stance of wooden statues.



Once vibrant white cotton ball billowed clouds

Are painted gray with a varying blur of color

Such as pewter, slate and steel.

All a portrayal of Nature's warning

Of imminent danger like the 

Storms which are a-brewing.

Fear not, all here have weathered

Such conditions, prior.

And today shall be no different.








Once it makes it's presence known

And then continues on, 

The air then clean and revitalized

After an hour or two of summer's 

Often not so gentle rain. 

Blue skies shall once again

Reign overhead.

Blazing Rays of sunshine's appearance

Will create humidity along with

Sparkling prisms upon the edges

Of dripping leaves 

On saplings, brush, birches

And all those evergreens.

Bird solos return and echo, 

As the forest's undergrowth 

Once again, comes to life 

With hectic sounds of busyness.

The bees will be a-buzzing

Upon each blossomed flower.



Deep woods normalcy again restored.

And we, the humans that came here

For relaxation and to revel

In Mother nature's warm embrace. 

Are awakened to a knowledge. 

No matter what transpires

Our souls relentlessly continue

Soaring free, from everyday stressors. 

















Pictures from Mount Holly, Vermont August, 2016

Photography copyrighted and compliments of K and L.G.B.


For Miracle's challenge I used both #2 and #3!!

Kind Regards and feeling grateful – K

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

daily post Portraits

“#MiracleChallenge Week – 9” dated 9th – 15th August, 2016

Our Love

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our Love, like a rose bud, once did blossom,

It's beauty,  now just some memories of the past.

Like the dried bouquet of roses, that once were fresh,

I'll forever cherish them, but know within my mended heart,

Things cannot go backwards, to where they got their start.

 

Kind Regards and reminiscing – K

 

 

Miracle Challenge #8

5. Write a Tiny Tale /Poem/ Haiku using below prompt image in 5 or less sentences(for tale) and 5 or less lines(for poem)

(https://miraclegirlblog.wordpress.com/2016/08/01/miraclechallenge-week-8-dated-2nd-8th-august-2016)

She’s Always There…

#MiracleChallenge #7: Week – 7

Challenge #2 

 

 

A protective mist wrapped itself around me            

As I attempted a noiseless tip toe step

Copyrighted and compliments of K

Along a favorite back country road.

It was beyond the middle of the night.

The stars remained hidden beneath a prestorm

Grouping of an unseen ceiling of

An impenetrable coverage of dense clouds.

Not even the moon, had knowledge of how

To shine it’s way through the thick black mass.

In the direction of the path, I planned to take

A  white formation materialized,

Literally, emerged ever so slowly.

Was it a hallucination?

Or perhaps a foggy dream,

As I was asleep in my comfy bed?

It’s eerie glow forged and replaced the blackness.

Copyrighted and compliments of K

The form took on female resemblance

Somehow I recognized the visitor, as I watched,

A realization tinge that contained no fear

Engulfed my mind and encompassed my soul .

I recognized the resemblance to my mom

Who had passed  over 30 years ago.

 

Stopped in the center of the dirt road

I pondered the timeliness of this visit.

It’s ghostly apparition like presence

Brought forth forgotten flashed

Memories of previous moments similar.

I recalled it’s manifestations prior,

That had veered me off preset

Destinations of journeys in the past.

By doing so, I had changed my course

And the change had saved me from harm.

At that moment, I understood,

She was there to protect me.

Her appearance was timed

To change my current country stroll

Which would undeniably avert me

From something evil or injurious.

To the left appeared another option

An unknown back route to home.

It became visible amidst

 

The overhang of arch formed tree limbs

It beckoned me with some

Unknown nurture inspired source.

Created a welcoming dim glow

Which illuminated this unexplored path.

I accepted the unspoken invitation

And scurried along the new gateway.

Somehow I knew it would take me home.

As I moved rapidly along, behind me

The path dispersed and was no more.

Later as I laid in my bed, encompassed

By my bed’s soft billowed comforter,

I knew she had once again protected me.

My mind felt peaceful and comforted

With the remembered knowledge

That I hadn’t nor would ever travel,

through life, unprotected or alone.

 

 

Kind Regards and feeling grateful – K

 

 

 

 
Shared Journeys

Depression’s path

 

 

The orange pinkish hue of the sun

Slowly descends, down the horizon wall

Falling beyond the edge of the earth

Where things disappear into unknown regions

After sunset our earth succumbs to darkness

And not until another cloudless morning

Does our life light reappear and grow

As the sun rises, the rays

Increasingly bright as they creep up

Earths distant grayish blue wall

Our souls blossom with freedom

As the darkenss relinquishes

It’s hold and once again

We are allowed to

continue upon our way.

 

 

#Miraclechallenge  Challenge #6

4 . Write a Story/ Poem using Prompt Theme – AFTER SUNSET

 

 

Kind Regards and #WINNING – K